The Care and Feeding of the Young. Birds.

I just watched a mother goldfinch jam food into the beak of her teeny-bopper son, who, by the way, looked big enough to go out and get his own seeds for brunch.

This spring and summer the difficulty of life as a bird has registered with more clang than usual. Even in the bird welfare state of my back yard, there’s the feral cat to watch out for. A couple of years ago, a hawk showed up twice, sat out back, staring, a breeze in her feathers. The song birds hid for at least two days after my last sighting of the red tail.

For the chickadee and nuthatch, there’s the impressive labor of flying each seed to a branch to pound it open before gulping. (It appears that birds do not chew, so how much pleasure can there be as reward for the work?).


The cardinals aren’t that private or skittish, but there’s still the pounding to go through.

Of course those appealing birds must fight through the hoards of sparrows and squirrels, as common and aggressive as mice.

All of that reminded me of the injured hummingbird video a friend sent yesterday.

YouTube - Peter & Peeps -- Rescued Baby Hummingbird Fed in Hand by Mother

It’s very much a feel-good story, but both the hummer and the goldfinch moms reminded me of the earnest vigor in the parents’ feeding, the avian variation on the old slang, "gag me with a spoon." It really looks like a brief attack on the young, their punishment for begging so shamelessly.

Maybe I’ll remember all this next time.
And as great provider (father?) to all these urchins, there is of course the issue of how much is going on that I don’t see—nurturing, sharing, cuddling, predation, itching, illness, death. About what am I absolutely clueless and how much of it is there?

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PARENTING, Especially for Parents of Adults

What does it mean to be a parent once the kids are grown and gone? How do you do it? I heard someone say you have to woo ‘em or lose ‘em. True or False? For I've also witnessed scenes that seem to say, "Keep right on bossing. Guilt 'em, spy on 'em, keep 'em guessing."

Step-by-step accounts or actual instructions in a specific situation would be great, but general ideas might be helpful too.

In case you want to know who’s asking, and for context, let’s say my own daughter and son are in their late twenties, each with a kid or two, and we all get along. That’s close enough to the factual for me to feel comfortable presenting these issues.

1. Define “adult.” I read somewhere that professionals (I guess that means shrinks) now define adolescence as roughly the ages of 11 – 32. I hear more and more commentary, including groans from all involved, about children in their twenties still living in or returning to their parents' homes—for reasons that might be only partially financial.

2. Do you ever see grey-haired people (say, your friends or your siblings) still parenting their adult children?—that is, giving orders, or pressuring, doling out more than enough unsolicited advice and instruction? Does it work? I ask because I try hard to avoid sticking around as the boss (as if I ever was), but I’ve seen it appear to work for others with offspring in their twenties, thirties and up. I don’t trust that to be healthy; I wonder what goes on behind the scenes and within the skulls of all involved.

3. If you’re too young for this question, feel free to turn it around. How have your parents succeeded and failed in being a helpful presence, more than a meddlesome boss or an indifferent absentee? Give examples of when they sensed the right time and right ways to step in to help or back off and allow you to struggle through an important situation or life lesson on your own.